Allergy Testing-Part #4

This post will be about my reactions afterwards...my thoughts, my feelings. When the allergy testing was all over, and we were leaving the building, I definitely had mixed emotions. I really knew that all I wanted to do was cry, but couldn't because of Madison. Only one gentle tear escaped before I got it under control, and Madison was none the wiser. First & foremost, I was happy that the testing was over, and I felt that we had been held in God's hands throughout the process. It was good to have a medical opinion about the food allergy in writing, and that what we had been doing to prevent a reaction were the right things. But, I was also sad. I felt a sense of guilt that I had done this to my child, or that I had passed it on, or that I could have prevented it, or even more crazy things that a parent thinks when their child is diagnosed with anything. I know it's not true, but it was what I was feeling. Then, a heavy sense of burden, wondering if I, as a Mom, could handle the severity of having a child with a nut allergy. I also felt helpless in the times that my child is not with me - that is so out of my control. So, it was with mixed emotions that I continued through the day. Today, as I have processed through some of that emotion, I do feel better about the sad things. Not so blown out of proportion, I guess. I feel empowered (I already emailed both of our senators about food allergy legislation!!) I feel a little more capable, and I feel a sense of completion of something that has been a long time coming.